11/1/21 4:28 PM

 It has been quite stressful lately because so much is going on. I'm almost going to college but I still cannot decide on what I want to do in the future. It's frustrating. I think I may be more worried than I should be and I try to not get so worked up by this but my head still hurts from thinking about all this. My parents want me to go to Japan because they don't want to leave Asia. They say that if I wanna go to America, I'll have to study medicine. They say this because they don't want me to go to America and because they want me to pay for my tuition after I graduate. But I think mainly they don't want me to go to America. Things have been bugging me, like what i wanna do in the future and my ocd (like comparing IQ and remembering sensations). Also, like the stress the resulted from school work. Last night when i was doing chemistry my head hurted a lot. yesterday i had the realization had not everything has to be perfect. i think i should let go some of my worries from time to time. This is why I ate CALM gummies, which resulted in stomach ache, which woke me up in the morning. I was like, oh shit, I'm gonna have to go get medicine, but then I didn't because it got better. Today during English class the teacher talked about a picture of a doctor measuring the pulse of a patient and told us about the artery in your neck that doctors also use to measure pulse aside from your wrist. I think these kind of things are cool and it made me think that I might enjoy studying medicine a bit. During French class we just stayed in the art room for the whole 80 minutes and I looked at the list of BS/MD programs and also looked into California North State University. I think I better not go there because many people say that it's a scam and it's also got a bad reputation so I don't think it's a good idea to go there. I'm gonna contact the Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Sciecnes and ask them if they provide any BS/MD programs that allow students to go to medical schools in the US. My head is hurting again i don't know how to solve this problem.