2/23/22 10:29 AM

 God, I just feel like I'm missing out on so much youth! I'm incredibly socially awkward, so I don't have many friends. And I live in this island that is so fucking isolated so I can't go to BTS concerts. First of all, my parents wouldn't let me go to Las Vegas. Second of all, if I come back I'd have to stay in quarantine for 2 weeks which sucks. And I'm going to have to miss school which isn't a viable option. And I know this BTS thing is at its pinnacle right now, and after that its gonna go downhill since Jin is going to the military this year in December. Although I hope that BTS is going to continue to be this big so that I'd have a chance to see them at their most successful phase, I think the reality is that they're not gonna stay like this for long. And how do I solve this problem of living isolated, I should go to a larger city for college, that way, I can enjoy all the novelties that I didn't get the chance to experience in my childhood and teenage years. That might sound sadder than it is, but I'm speaking the truth. My biggest fear is that I'd be an ugly poor women in the future with a bad husband and living pathetically. That is the last thing I wanna be, absolute last thing. I want to be moderately pretty, and be well-off, and marry a person that is the absolute opposite of my father. because that is my ideal type. Ok, I'm gonna stop it's so cringey. I'm gonna have English class later. I promised him twice that I'm gonna let him write my letter of rec but I'll feel like the history tr is a better person than him. but again, it's gonna be based on academic excellence and not about my personal struggles, which the counselor is gonna focus on. so I guess i'd still ask english tr for letter of rec. i think in a concert i'm gonna ask another person to take picture of me cause i wanna savor every moment first hand. i feel like i have an overly perfect picture of my future pictured in my head and i think it is possible that i'm going to disappoint myself in the future because i think it won't fullfill my expections of it. 

Randomly thought of IDOL and put it there.

So yeah, I really don't know what I gonna do. I really should focus on academics right now though. And I'm doing this? Hiya (facepalm)